Last week I launched a contest to mark the publication of my new book. Via a hidden “Easter egg” on my website cushnir.com, I asked participants to share how they are compassionate with themselves during times of great financial stress.

The responses poured in and were truly inspiring. Reading through them, I was touched by the collective wisdom we share as a loose-knit, global spiritual community. I found myself to be the real winner of the contest in getting to bask in so much heartfelt, practical sharing.

And so I decided to pay it forward by including excerpts of the entries here. I couldn’t include them all, and edited the ones selected. Since I didn’t have the chance to ask for an okay from the contest participants, I’m listing them anonymously.

To all of you who took part, thank you! To all of you who read something here that stirs your own writing inspiration, please add to the list by contributing a comment.

Here’s to self-compassion, especially when it’s the most difficult to come by.

***

I get plenty of rest.

I find the beauty in small things.

I pray more.

I appreciate more.

I give something. A few dollars to a homeless person, a few minutes of my time, or simply holding a door for several people before I enter myself. When I think I am in need, I give.

I slow down, get present in my body, notice what’s there that wants my attention, and listen, listen, listen.

I get outdoors with my dog – the exercise is a relief from all that worry, and connecting with strangers feels right, too. I regain a sense of being connected to humanity, and most humans have things to worry about. The small connections help me feel that I’m not so alone, and my troubles are not unique.

I meditate for 20 minutes each morning before the day starts. I am able to clear my mind of past failures and future worries, and focus on just
“now”. The quietness and groundedness of this “now” allows me to keep my perspective throughout the day.

I hike with my partner of 36 years in the woods. We take one two hour block of time for complete silence. We focus on the moment. The sounds or in the winter after fresh fallen snow the stillness, bring me back into connection with the universe. It serves to remind me that the most precious gifts have nothing to do with the current economy.

I go through a whole list of the blessings that I have rather than the things that I don’t have….and it always makes me feel better.

Now it is my time. I am taking care of me. Me – finally. What a concept!

I read books that I have bought and never yet had the chance to read.

I find other ways to reduce my spending so I don’t have to give up Pilates. It helps clear my mind, and is great for my body as well.

I pay attention to the scary stories I tell myself about the future and inquire directly into their source.

I focus on what I have, see, feel, taste, smell, touch, and know.

I talk to friends – it’s free!

I pour a tall glass of water to start the day. As I drink it, I imagine it filling me up with fresh ideas and hope and washing away the “old.”

I am kind to myself by eating well, lightly and with choice in every bite.

I try to be kind in my speech to myself and others. When I’m not so kind, I make a point of going back to clean it up.

I am blessed to be learning in these times that right here, even now, I get to decide whether to contract or expand. I am kind to myself by accepting the astounding contraction that I have met.

I remind myself that I am enough, that I already have everything I need, (and more) and that money is not what I am made of (literally). Instead I am a part of that pool of sacred energy where everything and anything is possible and I am a direct descendant of the divine intelligence that radiates throughout infinity. That intelligence is me.

I stop, breath, and drop-in to core-self/source/joy. However, this is often difficult to do when I am under ‘great stress’ which is a product of old habitual fear. Then, I either take time to have a conversation with my fear/ego/child to listen and reassure, and/or find a friend with whom to have tea and laughter, and/or go for a walk. It sometimes takes a while to recognize that I need to take these steps, but once I have then I can address the problem with much greater clarity, ease and equanimity – not to mention greater receptivity to possibilities and solutions.

One healthy way that I’m kind to myself in this time of financial stress, is to remember that finance is only one form, or representation, of energy. The energy remains in other forms. I connect with friends and concentrate on heart-felt projects. While maintaining some touch with financial “realities,” I do not let worry about what might happen hinder my ability to enjoy now.

I take a long bike ride.

My dogs – They always forgive me, don’t hold grudges and are happy to see me when I come home.

I notice my anxiety and stay with it in awareness until it lightens. Then I follow threads of ideas that come up in that calmer context. However, I must say that no concrete strategy for financial change has jelled, so I am just letting the process repeat. I suspect that in time some pathway will emerge.

I acquired a down jacket that is light enough to be worn indoors yet warm enough to let me keep the thermostat off. It has more than paid for itself in gas heat saved over the past six weeks. And I have a jacket that will serve for years to come. This may sound too superficial for your drawing, but I am grateful to myself every time I put it on. I think that qualifies as self- kindness in a very concrete form.

We coined the phrase, “Living the High Life Parsimoniously!” We take a walk together, buy the Wednesday NY Times ($1), go to the library and check out a movie, buy a used book.

I get pots at thrift stores and yard sales and buy ‘clearance’ plants and bring them back to life. I find when I’m tending to my plants I am Present and I feel connected to the Universe. Besides being beautiful, the plants provide oxygen and filter the air in my home.

I recently created a little financial stress for myself by going on a little spending spree. First, I fell into the old pattern of berating myself for my poor judgment…had a good little tirade against myself.

Then I recognized what I was doing, and that it wasn’t helpful to me. My way of being kind to myself was to separate into the “witness” persona, then have a compassionate talk with all of the other selves that were showing up–the judge, the mean parent, the helpless child, to name a few.

Then I was able to better understand why I spent money I
didn’t have, but forgive myself for the mistake, and
move on.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here, with my attention being diverted by podcasts and two books about to come out. But now, as I get ready to launch the new website, cushnir.com, I realized it’s time to check in.

In doing so, I’m presenting an interview I did last summer with Stephanie Gunning, of the wonderful free Web learning program called The Great American Think Out. To learn more about the program, click here.

This interview makes me laugh because I’m so amped during it. Truth is, I had just drunk my daily matte and was huffing around the backyard, headset clinging to my ear and one year old daughter in my arms. As a result I’m much more freewheeling and unguarded than usual. I hope you enjoy it, and I promise to steer clear of caffeine at all our upcoming retreats!

To listen to the interview, click Here.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about zero and one. They bring us more than we could ever imagine, but also a lot less.

In Daniel Goleman’s fascinating book, The Meditative Mind, he suggests that all forms of meditation either boil down to zero or one. In the zero camp are those types of meditation that aim to evoke a state of emptiness, or void. In the one camp are the types of meditation that aim to create a state of unity, or (obviously) oneness. When you give those two states serious consideration, it turns out that they’re very different. In oneness everything comes together, and in emptiness everything disappears. Oneness is an experience of complete presence, and emptiness is an experience of complete absence.

Zero and one are also the purveyors of our current digital age. All computer code, no matter how complex, is built upon a foundation of zeros and ones. This is called binary processing, and signifies that at any point in a computer program, only two choices can be made. These choices are always labeled as zero and one. Almost every electronic machine or device that we use today – not just computers but also phones, TV’s, cameras, cars, garage door openers, and even some toasters – relies upon thousands of alternating zeros and ones in order to function.

With both meditation and digital programming, it’s the distinction between zero and one that makes all the difference. The idea is that everything must be represented as either zero or one, but not both.

But that leads to a crucial question: can any object or experience ever be both? Can consciousness arise as void and unity? Can we ever choose zero and one?

To answer this question we have to go beyond the realm of conventional, linear thinking. In that realm, 0 + 1 = 1. We bring these two opposites together and end up obliterating half the equation. One remains, but zero is gone. However, using a more expansive method of calculation in which zero and one can combine and create something completely different, we arrive at the following equation:

0 + 1 = Paradox.

From a paradoxical perspective, an experience doesn’t have to be just either/or, it can also be both/and. Existence can be grasped as simultaneously empty and unified. A memory can be felt as simultaneously bitter and sweet. These paradoxical wholes cannot be reduced beyond their complete expression. In other words, when you take away the one or the zero, the paradox is destroyed. This can also be understood through the following equation:

Paradox – 0 or 1 = 0 or 1.

And there we are, back in the land of the linear.

The reason that paradox is so important is that it’s the mark of all wisdom. When we think in terms of either/or, we’re lost. Such thinking leads to false distinctions and destructive oversimplification. A person, community or nation built upon either/or leads to isolation, war, and environmental destruction. When we think in terms of both/and, however, it becomes possible to change, grow, and mutually thrive.

To take this out of the abstract and into your everyday experience, try the following for a week: Every time your mind labels or judges something as this, spend an additional few moments determining how it could also be that. The “unloving” mother who caused so much pain in your life may also be the “loving” mother who’s own wounds stunted her ability to share how she truly felt. The insensitive “asshole” who just cut you off in traffic could also be the “saint” who’s racing to the hospital with a heart attack victim in the back seat. The “stupid” politician with a viewpoint completely the opposite of yours may also be “astute” in considering aspects of the debate you’ve never considered.

Sometimes, this may seem impossible. “No!” your whole being may protest. “That politician is only this, never that, and thinking otherwise is just some kind of spiritual game.” Yet such zero-one thinking ignores that the only sustainable way forward through any conflict comes from finding common ground. On common ground, everyone, paradoxically, is both/and. Murderers may also be vegans. Racists may also be philanthropists. The most ruthless boss in the world may be a teddy bear with his own grandchildren.

Embracing paradox isn’t about condoning misbehavior, or lying down like lambs when we need to protect ourselves from those who mean us harm. Instead, it’s about understanding that in order to cultivate wholeness we first must be able to see wholeness. Any solution to a problem that reduces its components to zeroes and ones is partial at best and almost certainly damaging in the long run.

If all of us pledged allegiance to both/and, rather than to any particular flag, the current world would be coming together synergistically rather than splintering apart cataclysmically. And remember, from a both/and perspective, we’d all still get to identify with our own nation (or family, neighborhood, religion, ideology, etc.) No one would have to give up anything, except a reliance on binary thinking.

To sum up, existence is both empty and whole, and every aspect of existence, even the most minute, is reflective of this paradox. Nothing is ever only a zero or a one, black or white. But nothing’s ever just “gray” either, since that denotes a muted or neutral quality. In the land of paradox, both black and white are replaced by the full, glorious spectrum of light.

There’s a bumper sticker that reads, “If it fits on a bumper sticker it isn’t going to solve anything.” That’s true, but it’s also false. Why? Because there’s another bumper sticker that reads, “Just another day in paradox.”

My niece, Beatrix, is like most children. She wants. She wants more. She wants more and more and more.

For her recent birthday, Beatrix received a set of “Critter Creatures,” along with their special playhouse. This set-up got about an hour of play before Beatrix was asking to go online and find more creatures. Specifically, she was aiming to use a Target gift card, another birthday present, to increase her collection.

Suddenly, and all too quickly, the creature set she had wasn’t good enough. It just wasn’t as fun to play with, knowing that there was so much more, and seemingly better, to be had. I marveled at how the universally human desire-mechanism was already in full force for Beatrix at such an early age.

As adults, desire wreaks havoc in every aspect of our lives. We can’t enjoy the home we have, for instance, once we see someone else’s that’s more spacious. We can’t celebrate our romantic relationship once we see another prospective lover who’s more beautiful, clever, wealthy, or whatever other quality we’re currently craving. We can’t enjoy our career once we focus on one that offers more freedom, power, or prestige. And of course we can’t enjoy our physical bodies when faced with the media barrage of those that are more svelte and toned.

So, what of it? Are we destined to a life of desire that snatches us from the joys of what’s present already, right now, in this moment of our experience? Luckily, no. There’s a simple practice that allows us to separate desires that propel us forward in directions we truly want to go from desires that leave us feeling perpetually empty and unsatisfied.

Here’s how the process works. First, we must become aware that we’re in a “fit” of desire. That requires recognizing desire’s inner grip, the way both our mind and body literally clamp down when we focus on something that we want but don’t yet have. As soon as we’re aware of this grip, we can put it under the microscope. By that I don’t mean analyze the desire, or otherwise dissect it. Instead, I mean that we can look at it both dispassionately and compassionately. We can experience it directly, up close and personal.

Putting desire under the microscope isn’t about the object that we’re craving – it’s about the craving itself. How does this sense of craving feel in our body? What does it do to our quality of consciousness? Do the thoughts generated by this body/mind state have a particular content or quality?

When we experience any desire directly in this way, something amazing happens – its grip releases. Even if only for a moment or two, the new house or lover or job that’s been obsessing us no longer holds such sway. This temporary reprieve is all-important. It allows us to gain perspective about, and assert control over, the previously overwhelming desire function. Fighting any desire, by contrast, only serves to increase its strength.

Putting desire under the microscope is also crucial for another reason. Recognizing that we can diminish desire’s grip without succumbing to it offers us a way forward in our lives that’s peaceful and joyful. Desires will never stop coming, regardless of how much therapy or meditation we experience, or even how much we practice the process I’m recommending here. But with each new desire that comes we now have a new, empowering option.

Rather than turn on what we have and fixate on what we don’t, instead we can relax into what we have. In such a relaxed state we can accept the arising of any desire simply as a form of information. It lets us know that something appeals. This appeal becomes data to consider, peacefully and joyfully, along with all the other forms of information we receive about the topic at hand from all the other available sources.

At six, Beatrix is not ready to hear very much about this liberating approach. She just wants more creatures. Her unexplored wanting is a kind of self-erected prison.

How about you? Are you in the same kind of prison? Which desires are holding you captive? Are you ready and willing to escape?